Day 264. That Guy From… is back!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

I had a show tonight! I don’t think I even mentioned it on here, but we had the next installment of That Guy From… with Jeff Houghton, my late night talk show in my friend Ross’s loft. Our guest confirmed on Wednesday, so we just threw it together last minute. Actually, we weren’t sure if we were going to have enough people on such short notice, that we mostly threw it together after Friday afternoon.

Let’s recap the show.

First, here is a video I made for the show. As may know, I work at a store that sells computers, among other things. As you may also know, I am not a computer guy. As you can surmise, this makes for some interesting encounters with customers. Luckily, we have some surveillance videos of one of those encounters.

To remind you, we do the show in Ross’s loft, it’s intimate, which is another way of saying it’s small. Right before the show started I remembered that we didn’t have any pictures from the last show, so I threw my phone to my friend Marnie to take pictures.

As a surprise to the audience, everyone in attendance got a free ginger ale and Rolo under their seat. Dave, my first guest, gave me a hard time for picking the soda that people would be least likely to care to choose on their own. I disagree.

Here is the set up from in front of the video camera. It seats 15-20. The intro video is playing, which looks suspiciously like the Mystery Hour intro.

Here I am apparently explaining something awesome. Look at the boom mic on the right side. Whoever happened to sit front row, right side got the honor of holding the boom mic.

Here I am with the first guest, Dave Theune telling a story about driving across the country with his dad. Dave is That Guy From…the Stanley Steemer commercials. There are a lot of them. He has also been a McDonalds spot, and a Monday Night Football spot. In addition, he performs improv all over town and is ridiculously funny.

Next up, this is Danny, who is my friend/tech operator/actor who is seen here playing the role of my cousin, Jason, the composite of every Facebook friend you find annoying. That is not his real hair, but I think it could be if he grew it out.

Next up is something we never did with the Mystery Hour, but something that I love. Before the show, we had audience members write the first line, or a one sentence summary, of their favorite true story from their lives. I pulled one out of the hat that said, “I was in first grade home alone, when the doorbell rang…” I called the author up interviewed that person.

Then he got up from the interview really, really fast.

Finally, two-time Mystery Hour guest, and current LA resident, Lee Ellen Starks, played music to end the show.

While I drank ginger ale.

Day 259. The Pattern, The Game of Improv

Monday, November 7, 2011

Today, I came back from my aunt and uncle’s house in Orange County. I just love staying there. I live in a room in a house that other people own, so it is so refreshing to me to stay with family where I just lay around and hang out. I would have liked to have stayed longer, but I had to get to improv class.

I’m loving the class. For whatever reason, things have started to click for me lately. I’ve stopped over thinking. For so long I had forgotten how fun improv is and how I feel competent, and even good at it. I’ve mostly just watched shows of other people and felt a little struggly in class.

I take classes at Upright Citizen’s Brigade, which is the hot, hip, super funny, successful theater in Los Angeles. UCB does long form improv, as the majority of theaters here do. I’ve done mostly short form improv and some long form. Short form improv is more about games that have different parameters. One that we played at the Skinny Improv is called Buzz, where two people are doing a scene while one person is off stage. Whenever that person says, “buzz,” the actors have to change what they said and say something different. It’s still a scene, but there is a fun element to it. Long form takes one suggestion at the start of the show and builds a show with different scenes around that one suggestion. There ain’t nothing wrong with short form, but long form is considered more sophisticated, where you have to rely on skills and acting and teamwork, and less on wit and goofiness. That is completely simplified, but distinguishes the difference.

I’ve done more short form, but I’ve always loved watching and performing long form. The most standard long form show is the Harold invented years ago. That is what we’re learning in my 301 class. It takes a lot of work, but I’m starting to get it. One of the hardest things for me has been giving myself over to the UCB style of improv.

I’ve always loved improv, and particularly, the connection between improv principles and life principles. All improv is based on teamwork, an agreement principle called “Yes And,” reacting and not over thinking, and relationships. UCB certainly follows those, but they place a big emphasis on the “game” or “pattern” of the scene. The idea is that in any improv scene a game or a pattern emerges, so the key is to identify the pattern and explore it. An example would be in class today during a scene a guy said, “Get in here guys, our sales are plummeting, and as employees of Saks on…Saks Fifth Avenue, we need to figure out how to increase sales.” He accidentally stuttered saying Saks Fifth Avenue. So the game of the scene can then become that we are employees of a store called Saks on Saks Fifth Avenue, where we have a store above Saks Fifth Avenue. Then, if we have that store, what else is true? We can keep coming back to that concept and playing with it.

Another example would be from class today of a character that takes fun playful games to a violent degree. We could heighten that by coming up with more games and more ways for the character to make them violent.

Other schools of improv base the scene in the relationships between the characters. At UCB relationships are important too, but game is more important. Like I said, I’m fascinated with improv and how what works, and how what is funny reveals truths about our everyday lives.

I don’t have a lot of thoughts on this, but I’m mulling over about how patterns and repeatable games are important in our lives. I think it’s true. Think about the songs we listen to. They’re usually around 3 minutes long and will repeat a chorus 3 or 4 or more times in that span. We go see movies that follow a similar plot to other movies we’ve seen. We know that they are going to be that way, and we keep going back, because we like patterns. I think we seek out patterns, and hope for patterns in life. If there are patterns, then things make sense, and there is some kind of order. Patterns also allow us to connect and be on the same page with others. When we’re in the audience and recognize patterns in a funny improv show we get some sort of delight.

These are unfinished thoughts, but I think that there is a reason patterns work in terms of making an improv show funny. I think that means that we crave patterns in real life. I think there must be a reason that we do. I don’t know what it is, but I’m going to keep thinking about it.

On a side note, while we were waiting for class to start I mentioned to people around me that something smelled like beef jerky. They agreed. I thought, “Who the heck smells like beef jerky?” Then, when I got a ride to an improv show with my friend, Danny, I smelled it again. I asked him if he smelled it and he agreed. Then, I realized that it was either my hand, or my phone emanating the odor. I was the one that smelled like beef jerky! Smelling like beef jerky for no discernable reason is the worst.

 

Day 258. My Day in Court, TV Court

Sunday, November 6, 2011

So, my courtroom TV show finally aired, so I feel free to speak about it. I won’t mention the name of the show in this post. I found out it aired because a childhood friend of mine Facebooked me to say, “Are you Frank Goode?” That was my character’s name on the show. She happened to have the TV on about to change the channel when she saw me. Crazy.

Let’s do this one as a timeline.

11:00 I arrive on time with a couple of different outfit choices. It’s in the same place that I auditioned. They escort me across a soundstage and upstairs. It looks like an office almost. It’s a big room with a bunch of cubicles with doors on them. There are different actors, with different cases in each cubicle.

11:14 I arrive in my cubicle and meet my “accuser,” a nice guy named Justin. He just moved to town to try to get a job in sound engineering. He has dreads, I’m jealous.

11:31 My “wife” arrives. I was not there for their audition, so she wasn’t aware that she had a husband. I fake propose and make it fake official. She’s a nice girl, and I’ve been thinking about how to say this politely, but I’ll just say, she was one of the least smart people I’ve met. Ever.

11:33 My wife learns that we got sent an e-mail with a summary of the case. Here are the basics. My wife and I were at a movie when the plaintiff sat down next to us in a seat we had been saving for our son. We claimed he was drunk and obnoxious, he claimed that he wasn’t. He and my wife got into it shouting and I stepped in between. Then, depending on who you believe, I either shoved him down the stairs, breaking his leg, or he fell down the stairs, breaking his leg, because he was drunk. Fun fact: They select the cases from real court cases, just changing the names.

11:39 My wife says she wants to make it funny and has been thinking about different ways to do that. I say that I think we’re supposed to use what they sent us as a guide. She just wants to make it funny.

11:47 My wife gets a text from a guy who she is hooking up with, but not dating, saying he wants to be “emotionally connected.” I know the verbage because while we were reading to ourselves, she broke the silence.

Wife: What does “emotionally connected” mean?

Jeff: What?

Wife: What does “emotionally connected” mean?

Jeff: Yeah, I just don’t understand the context.

Wife: I just got a text from a boy saying he wants to be emotionally connected.

Jeff: I think it means he wants to connect with you emotionally.

Wife: Oh.

12:03 We can hear other litigants practicing with producers through the cubicle walls. One of them has to do with a female rapper and a cruise ship. I wonder why I didn’t get that role.

12:16 I get sent down to makeup. I’ve got to say, makeup does make you look better. Suddenly, I’m bronzed with no blemishes. I’m always secretly hoping that when I go into makeup they’ll look at me and say, “Oh, he’s perfect, we don’t need to do anything.”

12:25 On the way back I see another case practicing in a board room. They’re really animated, we’ve got to step up our game.

12:43 Some of the evidence for the plaintiff is a picture of him in a cast. A guy comes in to take his picture in different clothes, then they’ll photoshop a cast onto his leg.

12:51 A producer enters to coach us in our case. When we get down there, they don’t stop the taping, it’s a straight shot, we’ve got to get it right, or close to right.

12:52 We’re not good on the whole. My wife is the defendant, and I’m more of a witness, but every time I try to interject, she just keeps talking, unaware. Insert that’s what it’s like to be married joke here.

12:59 Overall, we sound like the kid in elementary school who has to read a passage aloud, but is not at the same reading level as everyone else. We don’t really sound like people who have had this happen to them.

1:06 My wife decided she liked the idea of saying that when she confronted the plaintiff about being loud, yelling at the movie screen, he said it was “a bro thing.” Yes, she really liked that line.

1:19 We move to the board room, this means that we’re close. My wife keeps leaving the room and the producer is starting to get a little ticked. It’s the emotionally connected text message conversation she’s been having all day.

1:24 She comes back into the room.

1:25 She asks if she can sit down.

1:26 She declares that we’re good and don’t need to practice anymore.

1:27 The producer disagrees and handles it really politely.

1:34 We’re practicing over and over. I’m trying to look like a ticked off bad ass who would potentially hit a man in a movie theater.

1:35. It’s not working, the producer tells me that my face is too friendly. I furrow.

2:06 I’m getting tired of rehearsing now. They recognize that this is taking awhile. Apparently, they were having technical issues they had to fix. They ask us if we want any food. I’m thinking, “Yes! Craft services, the best part of Hollywood.

2:18 They bring the food in. Our choices are a granola bar, a bag of Fritos, and a Nutrigrain bar.

2:41 They’re ready for us! My wife gets in one last text.

2:52 We’re quietly walking down to the sound stage trying not to make a noise while another episode tapes.

2:58 They touch up our makeup and ask us our positions one more time. I overheard this conversation between the director and my wife.

Director: And how did he respond when you asked him to be quiet?

Wife: He was belligerent and loud and he said it was “a bro thing.”

Director: Wait, bro thing? What does that mean?

Wife: I don’t know, he was just saying it was a bro thing.

Director: Did you make that up?

Wife: Yes

Director: Don’t say that.

3:12 They put us in our places to get the lighting right. They officially move me from the less prominent position to the more prominent position. They were losing faith in her, she was too nervous. The executive producer, Byron Allen is talking to the crowd. He comes into the store I work at all the time, I try to tell him, but he is too far away.

3:25 Action!

3:25 We are behind the doors and have to swing them open and walk down. We didn’t do it right.

3:28 Take two. We get it right. I have my bad ass face on, carrying a folder with our evidence inside. I got to use my own folder, which is a black University of Iowa folder I got when I graduated. I used it everyday in my last job, and now it’s on national TV. I was happy for it. The hardest part was not stumbling over swinging doors from the audience to the witness stand. I manage, awkwardly.

3:33 We have to stand awkwardly because there will be an announcer describing our case. I try to not look at the camera. Instead I pick out one point on the wall and look at it like it just tried to kidnap my baby.

3:36 Everyone rises for the judge. Our case is beginning.

3:38 The plaintiff is telling his side accusing me of shoving him down the stairs.

3:41 The judge come back to me to ask for my side. I say, “Your honor, this man was being aggressive towards my wife, as a husband I had to step in. Did he deserve to get pushed down the stairs? Yes. Did I do it? No.”

3:43 She goes back to the plaintiff, then back to me, then back to the plaintiff. While she’s talking to the plaintiff, my wife whispers to me (with her mic on), “I want to talk next time.”

3:48 The rest of it basically went like this: The plaintiff said about talking to the screen, “That’s what we do.” The judge got on him for saying something racial like that, then she got on my wife for talking while the judge was talking, she even banged the gavel. I got yelled at by the judge for saying that the defendant had consumed jugs of alcohol, she said I was speculating, I said that I don’t actually know what kind of container he drank out of, but that he was drunk. She asked the plaintiff how much he had to drink, the poor guy didn’t know what to say since it was all made up, but it ended up looking like he was trying to lie to her.

3:51 The verdict. The judge sided with us! We won the case!

3:54 We’re off the set and everyone is happy about how we did. I wanted to interrupt more and say nonsensical things since they weren’t doing multiple takes and they couldn’t rehire me anyway since I had been on the show already. However, my improviser instincts took over and I didn’t want to ruin the scene to look funny.

3:57 I talk to the judge who is a “celebrity” until I get shooed away from her.

4:03 We gather our things in our shared cubicle. My wife reminds me that she had given me her number in case I had any friends she could date.

4:11 After a long involved day I’m sad to see my wife and the plaintiff go. We’d gone through a shared experience that day. I guess you could say that after all of that we were “emotionally connected.”

*The show aired, Friday, November 4. It will be on Netflix soon.

Day 257. Mutemath, Dopplegender, Dead Miss Piggy

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I’m still alive people! Let’s do this.

*Friday, my episode of We The People with Judge Gloria Allred aired. It will be on Netflix soon. Also, I will post about it, since it already aired.

Today, I worked. Then, I went to my friend, Jeremiah’s house after we got off work and watched an amazing Iowa-Michigan football game that Jeremiah DVR’d. Iowa had a goal line stand from the 3 yard line in the final seconds to win the game. I told that sentence to Michelle, and she said she didn’t “need to hear all the details.” So, for the non-sports fans, I won’t expound on that. Jeremiah and I have a deal, he provides me with DVR, and I provide him with rides places, it’s symbiotic and beautiful.

My friends, Darren and Todd are in a band called, Mutemath. They were in town again to play the Tonight Show because they’re like a real and legit band. Jeremiah and I met them in their hotel room and then went to a bar in Silver Lake to hang out. Four things about this night. One, their other friends are very cool and fun and funny, I like them. Two, one of Darren’s friends, Amber does some extra work to make money. Get this, she was also on Mad Men, the same day, same scene as me! What the? There were like fifteen of us. I had hung out with her once before that, but we didn’t recognize each other, probably because we were in the 1960s, so we had yet to meet in 2011. I’m telling you, Hollywood is not that big.

Three, we invented a fun party game, I’ve decided to call, Dopplegender. Instead of trying to find someone’s celebrity doppleganger, like everyone does, you try to find their opposite gender doppleganger. It’s much more difficult, but also much more satisfying if you land on the right one. People got really into it, everyone was on their phones looking up pictures to try to find the right one. It’s the only social gathering scenario where it is appropriate. The biggest success of the night was a girl with us who we decided looked like Dave Grohl. It was perfect, and she was flattered. The closest one for me was Jenny McCarthy. Todd even sent me a pic of our faces side by side. Obviously, I don’t have all of her attributes, but that’s what makes it fun. I’m just flattered. Play with your friends, just be sure to attribute it to me.

Four, Mutemath was on the Tonight Show the same night as Miss Piggy, who was on to promote the new Muppet movie. Yes, I’m completely aware that she is a puppet, however, during rehearsal they witnessed them rehearsing for Miss Piggy. The guest’s chair was empty except for a hand coming up the middle of it. Obviously, Miss Piggy gets impaled on it, that’s how puppets work, but I hadn’t ever thought of it. They also said that they saw her without a puppeteer and it was just disturbing that once the hand left her body, she was just a limp, dead Miss Piggy. Unlike other guests on the Tonight Show who hang out with friends after the show, Miss Piggy dies. Try to unforget that.

To summarize the day: Work-Football-Dopplegender-Dead Miss Piggy

Day 248. A Guide to Headshots

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Hollywood is a place where actors take a variety of routes to success, but there are a few things you need to be on top of to be successful here. Maybe the most important thing you need in Hollywood is a great headshot. You need one for every audition, for every agent, and every connection you make. A headshot is your first impression. Casting directors are tearing through a lot of headshots and you need yours to stand out and communicate what you want it to. So, I decided I would make a guide for good headshots with some I took today.

Official Guide to Headshots

You want to have a good commercial looking shot for commercials, a dramatic shot, and one that shows some personality so you have choices for different situations. Here are mine.

 

 

 

 

You want to show a glimpse of your personality in your headshot, you’re not smiling for a class picture in school.

However, if your personality says, “I like to watch you sleep,” just skip the personality part.

You want to look friendly in your headshot, but you can smile too much and give the impression that you are the type of guy that collects vintage dolls and giggles too much.

A slight trick that will often be used is to be looking slightly upward to the camera. For most people this is their most becoming look. It helps to accentuate the eyes. Imagine that you are sitting at a party and are looking up, pleasantly surprised to see a good friend (the camera) walking towards you with a piece of cake.

Not so much that you are sitting at a party and are looking up, completely surprised to see your ex running towards you with a knife.

A headshot should be focused on you. There shouldn’t be too much background action. In fact, a headshot doesn’t even have to show your entire head. Maybe it just shows a scar you got on the bridge of your nose when you hit a ceiling beam while violently moving in your sleep twelve years ago on a bunk bed.

Take a picture that represents what type of role you think would be a good fit for you. Say you want to be an action star, don’t hold a gun in the photo, props looks unprofessional and cheesy. If you want to be an action star,  just shape your hand into a gun and have an intimidating look.

Maybe it’s your photo shoot day and you woke up with some blemishes. That’s okay, remember you can photoshop little blemishes out after the picture is done. Leave this in the hands of professionals, they’re detailed oriented, you won’t even be able to tell that anything was done to the picture.

This one may be the most important. For the love of God, get a picture in front of an old brick wall! This is Headshots 101, you have to have a picture in front of an old brick wall. The older the better, the more abandoned the better. Make people wonder if you were sitting on a rat, or a hypodermic needle when your picture was taken. Scientists don’t know why it is true, but everyone looks better in front of an old brick wall.

Everyone knows that sex sells in Hollywood. Don’t be over the top in your headshots, but feel free to be sultry. Everyone has a sultry side. There are two keys to being sultry. One, shadows. Two, squintiness. Do those and you have achieved sultriness and/or sleepiness.

Lastly, perhaps the most important thing that casting directors mention when evaluating headshots is how important it is that the headshot looks like the person. The person that they select from the headshot should look like the person that walks into the audition room. Your headshot should look like you! Be proud! Don’t try to be anyone else! You are you, and you may have exactly the look they are looking for.

Day 243. Reading Between the Audition Lines

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I have gone to a lot of auditions now, and I have learned a lot. You see in Hollywood there is what is being said on the surface, and there is what is being said underneath. Often times, those are two totally disparate things.

Let’s jump into an audition to see what is being said, and see what is really being communicated. Everyone, grab a hard hat, this could get dangerous.

Casting person walks into the lobby and looks down at the clipboard.

Casting Person: “Okay, Jeff, come on in.” (I want you to think that I’m apathetic toward your chances)

Jeff: “Yep, that’s me!” (Look at how enthusiastic I am about this opportunity)

Other Guy Waiting to Audition: “Good luck.” (I hope  you fail.)

Jeff: “Thanks, man.” (I hope you fail.)

Casting Person: “Would you like to take a seat?” (Sit)

Jeff: “Alrighty.” (Okie dokie)

Casting Person: “Tell me about yourself.” (Impress me)

Jeff: Well, I have a lot of background in improv. (I know that improv is a buzzword these days, so I’m mentioning it.)

Casting Person: “Great. Do you have any questions about the character or the sides?” (Prove to me that you have read the sides.)

Jeff: “How would you describe Billy Mumphrey?” (I care a lot about this character).

Casting Person: “Billy is a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.” (See, I’ve put a lot of thought into this)

Jeff: “Great, now, I have to mention that I love the dialogue. I don’t always love what I’m auditioning for, but I can really get behind this. This is really good.” (You and I both know that I mention this at each audition, but it never hurts to suck up, so know that I’m saying that I think you’re awesome)

Casting Person: “Oh, thanks.” (Acknowledged)

Casting Person: “When you’re ready.” (I’m ready)

Jeff: “I can’t stay here forever, Susan. I’ve gotten wrapped up in this world of international intrigue, but you’re the only thing that makes any sense to me anymore.” (Check it out, I had all of that memorized.)

Casting Person: “You have to stay. I don’t give a damn about the CIAKGB conglomerate that is hunting you down. Can’t you just stay for me, for love?” (I am saying this line monotone, with no feeling to see if you can just act on your own.)

Jeff: “Susan! Susan! Would you rather have me with you here, a dead man? Or would you rather we survive apart and I live to see another day so that someday I can come back to you? (Can you feel the conviction? I can still bring it, even if you are monotone.)

Casting Person: “Okay, great.” (Meh)

Casting Person: “Let’s do it one more time, but this time I want you to remember that you are one step away from losing your love forever. You are a man on the brink.” (I’m in charge here.)

Jeff: Okay, I can do that.” (What?)

Jeff and the Casting Person run through it again.

Casting Person: “Alright, so are you available to shoot next Friday.” (You can tell by my voice I’m not committing to anything, I’m just asking)

Jeff: “Yep, absolutely.” (We both know I have a job because I’m auditioning for your non-union project, but I intend to enthusiastically communicate that this is the most important thing in my life.)

Casting Person: “We should decide in the next couple of days.” (You’ve got no chance)

Jeff: “I look forward to it. I hope to see you again soon.” (I’ve got no chance.)

Casting Person: “Yeah.” (We both know the only chance of that is at the grocery store.)

Jeff walks back out to the lobby.

Other Guy Waiting to Audition: “See you, man.” (I hope you die.)

Jeff: “Good luck!” (I hope you die.)

 

Day 239. Congrats to Jeff J

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I forgot to mention that on Monday night I went to an improv show and before the show started a guy came up to me and said, “Are you from Springfield, Missouri?” I said, “Yeah,” and he said, “You’re from the Skinny Improv?” I said, “Indeed.” It turns out his name is Jacob and he used to own a vintage store in downtown Springfield, that my friends now own. He also said he used to eat the Mystery Jeff dish at Gailey’s all the time. Crazy, this is the third time I’ve had someone come up to me and recognize me from the Skinny here. Jacob moved out here a couple years ago and has been involved in the improv world. I’ve got to say it looked kind of cool happening in front of a few people I know here.

Speaking of the Skinny Improv, I’ve got to give a shout out to my good friend, Jeff Jenkins. One of the things I have loved about the entertainment world is how supportive people are of each other, especially when good things happen. Jeff started the Skinny like 9 years ago and since that time has worked extremely hard to make it keep running and keep succeeding. In that time countless people have entered as people thinking they might like performing improv and left as improvisers who have gained the confidence and experience to move on to bigger places. This is true of myself and other friends who are in New York, and Chicago, and other cities. All of us entertainers, whether in Springfield, or LA are working hard hoping that we might stumble upon something that showcases our talents and gets us exposure beyond our immediate surroundings.

Jeff may have stumbled upon his something. Awhile back he and a friend adapted the Shakespeare classic, Hamlet, in a fun way, turning it into Hamlet vs. Zombies. The performances got good buzz in Springfield and then got accepted into the Kansas City and San Fransisco Fringe Festivals. It did really well at the SF Fringe, winning Best of the Fringe, and just recently was reviewed on the Huffington Post, THE Huffington Post, from the Internet.

Huffington Post Article

How cool is that? Who knows where it will lead, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned here is something that I’ve said before, “Don’t count your chickens until they’re hatched, scrambled, and on your plate.” It’s done with an all Springfield cast as well and they have done outstanding.

I was best man at Jeff’s wedding a few years ago and I got to give the best man speech at his reception. I decided that people were expecting funny, so I wanted to only be sincere. I talked about how Jeff is a performer and there is always a certain pressure in performing, but what is great about his marriage with Leah is that they love each other and he doesn’t need to feel that pressure. I said, “I’m excited for you guys because with Leah you won’t feel like you have to perform.” Well, everyone there took that as a sexual innuendo immediately. The whole place was laughing for a long time and my attempt at sincerity turned into sexual humor by accident.

I don’t want to turn this sincere post into the same thing, so I will just say, “Jeff, I hope the success of your play has not reached it’s full climax yet. When it does, I hope that it is extremely pleasurable for you.”

There, sincere.

Day 238. My Favorite Audition Yet

Monday, October 17, 2011

I’ve never been to court before. The closest I have come is when my friends and I took an issue to the principal. I had never been in the Principal’s office before, but we were desperate, and to go through the system was the only way for us to do it. At the start of the school year the 5th graders had taken control over the 6th graders’ basketball hoop. As 6th graders we had waited years for the opportunity and now our land had been illegally annexed by kids younger than us. Mrs. Soyster didn’t really seem to share our concerns for injustice, and our case was thrown out.

Now, I have my chance to get back into a courtroom.

Today, I had my favorite audition experience yet.

It was for one of those courtroom TV shows. Don’t think like big time courtroom drama, think lower. Don’t think People’s Court, think lower. Think about one of those shows where the show is named for the judge where the cases seem too silly and dramatic to actually be real, and it kind of seems like the litigants are actors. That’s the one. I auditioned for a show where they have actors play the plaintiffs and defendants and they improvise closely to a real court case.

I arrived at the location and the “lobby” was set up in the front part of a big studio. There were a bunch of chairs and a table to sign in at with a sarcastic British guy who either hated us individually, or maybe just everybody. I waited in a chair as a woman kept coming out and grabbing all the women and African Americans and pulling them into the room. One guy thought it was affirmative action, I just thought it was because there were real cases, so we had to match the actual people in the original case. This sort of thing is really the low of the low for acting as a lot of people didn’t even have headshots.

Finally, she came out and said, “I’ll just take all of you.”

We entered the room and I quickly realized I was walking into my favorite audition room yet. There were about 40 people and all the men were on one side while the women were on the other. The casting director would recap a case out loud to everyone, then she would pick out a person who fit the description of the plaintiff and point to them saying, “Why are you in my courtroom today?” The person would step forward in character and reply with the plaintiff’s side of the story as convincingly as possible. It was surreal. Then, she would point to someone who could be the defendant and say, “What do you have to say for yourself?” The defendant would improvise their side of the story. This would go on for awhile until they were happy and they would pull a couple of people into the office to get them the information for the taping.

It was glorious, I couldn’t stop laughing. I asked the guy next to me how long he had been there. He had been there for 4 hours. I was so jealous. At one point, she needed people that looked like they could be a family, so she created a corresponding white family and black family. She chose the black family because they had better answers. The affirmative action conspiracy theorist shook his head. We went through a lot of cases with a lot of actors giving it their all, it was pure awesomeness.

I finally got my turn later. The case was about a college kid who moved into a frat, but then moved out because there were rats and drug use around. The landlord was suing for back rent. The casting director tried a few landlords, then pointed to a few college looking guys to get their sides. Finally, she pointed to me as a college guy. I quickly went into it saying, “Your honor, I’m a good kid, and I have to say that I was surprised to see the cocaine. I can’t be living around illicit drugs. I knew this was going to be a frat house, but I had no idea it was going to be an Animal House.” I was not chosen.

Then, I had to go. I had only been there an hour, but I had to get to improv class. I said goodbye to my fellow men and snuck out. Luckily, I snuck out when the casting director left. I said to her, “Hey, I’ve got to run, but I have a ton of improv experience so I would feel really comfortable doing this.” She said, “Okay, I have you in mind for one case about a couple of guys who left their dates at a restaurant with the bill when it became clear they weren’t going to get any action that night.” Apparently, that’s the vibe I project. I said, “Good, I’m available.”

I didn’t know if I would hear from them, but this morning, I did. It’s official, on Thursday, I will be playing a defendant in a case about a fight at a movie theatre. That’s all I’ll say about it. I’m soo excited about it, not because it’s legit, but because it is so ridiculous. My greatest hope is that one of my parents’ friends will see it and call my mom and say, “I just saw Jeff on TV, is everything going all right? He used to be such a good kid.

I hurried to improv class and then had dinner with some friends at their amazing new house. I think having dinner with friends is one of my favorite things of all time…next to appearing on a courtroom show where I have to improvise that I’m a movie theatre fight kind of a guy.

Day 234. Leave ‘Em Wanting More

Thursday, October 13, 2011

When my friend, JJ, and I did the entertainment at a Young Life camp years ago, we were really funny. We were. We had been friends for a long time, we had written a lot of funny material, and we improvised the rest of it. Basically, it was just us having a lot of fun in front of people. The only problem was, we were having so much fun, and we kept thinking, “The next thing that we do, or say, is going to be the funniest thing yet,” that most things went too long. We got feedback to that effect, but we mostly ignored it because we were having so much fun.

There is an old adage in entertainment that says, “Always leave the audience wanting more.” There is this magical place when you have fully entertained and impressed the crowd where they feel like they don’t want it to ever end. There is another place right beyond that where you have gone on too long. It’s as if you have led the audience up a sloping mountain to the peak and you’ve enjoyed it there for awhile. Only, Mt. Enjoyment is not a normal mountain, you can’t lead them down the other side. This side of the mountain doesn’t slope, it is a cliff. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gone on a little too long, or way too long, you’re going to fall to the bottom. Just don’t risk it. Just don’t venture on the other side of the peak. Get in the helicopter you placed at the peak earlier and bring everyone home.

During the middle of the stand up show I went to on Monday I thought to myself, “This is the best stand up show I’ve been to in Los Angeles.” By the time we left, before the show was done, it was only middle of the road for me. It’s not that the comics that went on later were significantly worse, it’s just that the show went on too long. In fact, most every show I’ve been to here has been too long. Even the poetry slam show I was at the other night went too long. My friend and I had to leave early, just like the stand up show the night before, the hosts just kept talking and talking.

I understand the temptation, either you are performing, which you don’t get to do very often, or you are organizing a show, and you want as many performers to perform because they may have paid for the opportunity.

It’s just like a resume, sure, you’ve done a lot more things in your past jobs that you would like to highlight, but you don’t because you don’t want your resume to be too long. I guess I’ve just been surprised so many times here that people who should know better aren’t acting like it. If you shorten a show, or a set, or any performance, you will leave with people saying, “Man, that was an awesome show,” rather than people saying, “Man, that was a long show.” Keeping it short will bring them back, going too long will stop them from coming back.

I don’t have any great insights here, but I think this rings true for most of my life experiences as well. Our enjoyment of things matters while we’re experiencing it, but it also matters what we think of it when it is done.

I’m tempted to try to be ironic and make this very post way too long to prove my point, but I won’t. Instead, I will end it the way I end my stand up set.

I’ve sure given you a lot to think about. If you take anything from my speech, remember these Top 5 Comedy Rules.

1. Always leave the audience wanting more.

Day 233. Michael Caine, Sinuses, Sleep, Tyra Banks, 8+

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My friend, Jeremiah, and I started doing Michael Caine impressions to each other to be funny. Jeremiah’s isn’t too bad, but mine sounds like a surprised Cockney man mixed with the queen getting goosed. It’s not good, and it’s not really supposed to be good either. Today, at work, I got a good lesson in my Michael Caine impression from Michael Caine himself. He had a printer question. It took everything I had to not try to impersonate him back to himself.

I also went to a couple of improv shows last night, which was nice, because I haven’t been for awhile, but now that I’m taking classes, they’re free.

I’m writing this on a full night’s sleep. As I mentioned long, long, ago, I haven’t been able to sleep in since I arrived in LA. I have only slept in one other time, when Michelle was here. Combined with the fact that, like a 14 year old home alone for the weekend, I can’t get myself to go to sleep at a decent hour, I’m often really tired. I started waking up this morning and as I do every morning, I thought, “Dang it, time to roll over and look at the clock and be disappointed.” Not today! It was 10:45. I did it! I thrust my fist into the air above my bed in victory.

The other thing that hurts my sleep is the fact that I’ve had a sinus infection for most of the time I’ve been here. Most of the time I’m all stuffy and face-achy. It’s how things used to be for me, but I had sinus surgery five years ago, and since then my sinuses have been mostly great. I usually just get one, maybe two sinus infections in a year. This year, I’ve been on antibiotics three times (probably should have been more), and felt non sinus infectiony for about three weeks, a week after getting off antibiotics each time. It’s really wearing on me. It’s just too bad that the time I decide to come out here is the time that my health is worse than it’s been in several years, and I can’t afford to go to the doctor. Have I mentioned that I hate our health care system? Yes? Good. I’m pretty sure I need to have a CAT scan, as in the past, but there’s no way I can shell that out with a $5,000 deductible. I’ve always intellectually empathized with people without much money, and without any health insurance, or without good health insurance, now I understand it. And, really, I don’t have it that bad at all in comparison with millions of more people.

Tyra Banks came in the store the other day, I wasn’t on the floor, but I went out to look at her. I didn’t even notice my sinuses in that moment.

Oh yeah, and Jeff Garlin was in yesterday. I could still feel my sinuses.

Double oh yeah, Elliot Yamin, a former American Idol contestant was in yesterday. My sinuses started to hurt.

Here is a crappy rap PSA about getting enough sleep: