March 17, 2011
Happy St. Patrick’s Day. If you forgot to wear green today, just try to be really envious all day.
In recent years I haven’t been very good about relaxing entirely when I have something on my list that needs to be finished. Even if there are factors out of my control, I will still feel the need to concern myself with it, however I will adequately distract myself with other things going on in my life. Now, I can’t really distract myself with other things. This breeds perseverance I suppose.
Perseverance is a tricky thing. I’m confronted with it everyday. The other day I was working on a bunch of stuff all day and ended up with nothing to show for it really. My list is so long and includes things I’m not very good at. I find those days to be really frustrating. Plus, I needed to get up and do stand up again, but I didn’t really want to after my last one going poorly. But, I don’t have a choice, I have to keep moving forward.
Here, I’m forced to face the idea of perseverance relentlessly. It’s a bit of a struggle because I do want to protect this place of ego. If I don’t go try stand up again then it can’t go poorly. I think it is an ongoing push and pull between wanting to persevere and achieve goals and wanting to protect my idea of myself. I think people stop to persevere when they want to protect their idea of self more than they want was is ahead. Maybe that’s a fine thing. But, that place we try to protect is only up for protecting if we feel it is up for grabs.
I wonder then if people that persevere are people that feel that their sense of self doesn’t need protecting, that it is solid and static. Because, perseverance is being okay with putting yourself out there repeatedly, even when it doesn’t feel good.
I’ve always been a hard worker, but not a hard core perseverer. I’ve put myself in the position that requires hard core perseverance, thus the tension. It can be difficult, but I’m excited to see where that leads. For someone that hasn’t had to persevere so continually before, I have realized that little victories help to keep me moving forward.
Today, I had a couple of those. I went and got registered at Central Casting. Central Casting casts most of the extras for TV and movies. My friend Jeff, has a high school buddy that works there. He helped me in a huge way. First, he got me to the front of this super long line to register, then he waived my registration fee, then he introduced me to all of the casting directors who might call to get me work. One of them even said, “Hey, are you busy tomorrow? We could use you on Parenthood.” I said I couldn’t because I have a meeting and a wife. What you should take from that is that I’m big time. I’m already turning down roles.
Then, we went to the Paramount Lot and saw my friend, Catherine, who works for Community and she showed Michelle around. Michelle was excited. We saw several people from Glee walking to their cars. I yelled, “Hey, who’s ready for a mashup?” Then, we went to the store and got ingredients for pizza and Michelle made it.