Monday, March 28th
I have bad sinuses. There’s no way around it. They’ve been bad for years. It’s a combination of allergies and physical obstruction. I had surgery five years ago, and it was amazing (not the surgery,the result). However, if I get stuffed up due to a cold or allergies, it is guaranteed to turn into a sinus infection and overtake the inside of my face.
Apparently, I’m allergic to something out here, so I’ve gone down the path of the sinus infection. If sinus infections are the villain, then there is only one hero available: The Neti Pot.
I use the Neti Pot every morning and I swear it does more than any medicine. Now, like any super hero, it does have its one Achilles Heel. For the Neti Pot it is clearly, grossness. Rather than describe the process for you, I will show you. Here is a video of a robotic woman and I demonstrating the Neti Pot.
This style is not quite conquering my raging sinus infection, so today, I had to go to another, more advanced route. I knew that there was another way, I was just scared to do it. As gross as the standard technique is, this is worse.
Here it are the step by step instructions I learned from the internet and my attempt:
-Enter the shower
-Pour water in nose, same as the standard technique
-While you’re pouring the water in your nose breathe deeply through the nose, sending the stream of water to other sinus cavities
-Allow the water and waste to exit through your mouth
-Cough a hacking cough
-Appreciate the sensation of vomiting because it has triggered your gag reflex
-Gargle the phrase, “Lord help me”
-Cough a hacking cough
-Bend over screaming, “Why would anybody do this?”
-Spit the kind of spit where it dangles
-Whimper a defeated whimper
-Without meaning to, enjoy your accidental grunting impersonation of Sloth from Goonies
-Fall to the cold wet floor of the shower instinctively repenting of your sins
-Arise and repeat with other nostril
I went to a different coffee shop today so Starbucks wouldn’t think I was a loser. When I left I had a flat tire on my bike and had to run it back to my house so I could make it to improv class on time. Class was great, definitely a highlight of my week. Then I hung out with people from my class before we went to a show at UCB. I was just hanging out socially like normal people. I think I played it off cool, like I was used to that sort of thing.