Day 50. Race Against the Clock and Other Things. Part 1

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

***This is Part 1. Part 2 follows.

What a few hours. Today was a normal slow day until it a certain point when it became a race against time, intellect, and ignorance. The best way to replay the day is to itemize it by time. Between each time segment please envision the ticking countdown on the show, 24.

3:37. I’m in my room frantically changing clothes, putting on deodorant, and setting out my outfit for my first day of work, which I will need to quickly change into in a couple of hours.

3:45. I’m on my bike racing to Sunset and Gower studios for my audition for a new trivia game show. I would like to tell more about the show, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to. However, it is public knowledge that NBC has picked up this successful game show from another country.

4:04. I’m locking up my bike on a stop sign. I get in the audition line and start filling out some paperwork. A woman walks up behind me. Her good looks do a poor job of masking her obnoxiousness.

Obnoxious Woman (loudly): “Jesus, is this the line? This looks like prison.”

Other Man: “What does that mean?”

OW (loudly): “Everyone is up against the wall.”


OW (loudly): Does no one here have a sense of humor?!”

4:15. Our line moves as a group walking through the lot, up some stairs and into a room. There are about 50 of us. We sit down in folding chairs and a man from the show gets up in front.

Man: “Who wants to make lots of money?!”

Crowd: “Yeeeeeaaahhh, we do!”

Man: “Who loves trivia?!”

Crowd: “Sort of!”

Man: “Who loves trivia if it means you can make lots of money?!”

Crowd: “We do!”

OW: “When do we get to go to the bathroom?!”

Man: “What?”

OW: “You promised us we could go to the bathroom.”

4:30. We are given a test to fill out. The first 15 questions were pop culture and the next 15 were general knowledge. I thought I did pretty well. They scored the test and then divided us into groups. I was in the group that stayed in the room. Obnoxious Woman was eliminated and hopefully banished to a pit of tigers. They further divided us and we went to a staff person in groups of 12, or so, and had 3o seconds to tell them all about ourselves. They liked my story about just moving here and having a wife that supports me financially.

4:45. We are divided yet again. My group then sits in different chairs up near the front. We are then informed that we are in the good group. We cheer. We’re supposed to cheer a lot, they like that. We had apparently done well on the test and had personalities that they liked.

5:00. We get to play the game. The first person goes up and slates (says their name into the camera). Then, he gets to pick an opponent to go up against. He’s a male dancer with the Rockettes. We cheer. He picked me to go against. I beat him in the first three questions. But, he has passes, so when I didn’t quickly enough identify the “Prairie State,” he won. I should know that, I’m from the Midwest. Apparently, the Land of Lincoln is also the Prairie State. Dang it!

5:30. I cheer, but I’m also sitting nervously because I know that I have to ride home, change clothes, and ride to my “Skills Assessment” test for the new job I think I have.

5:37. I have to get up and tell one of the staff that I have to leave to get to my first day of work. No one cheers This is bad form, but I just couldn’t hang around any longer. He says, okay, since I already got up in front of the camera. Apparently, the only thing I missed was getting a picture taken, which I am supposed to e-mail him.

5:43. I’m jogging across the lot trying to get to my bike. I swear I see Obnoxious Woman peeing behind a building. I have no idea if I will make it on time to what is either my first day of work, or an awkward implosion.

End of Part One.

To be continued…


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