Day 81. Operation Venti Accepti

Friday, May 13, 2011

Today, I decided I would try to infiltrate the Beautiful Starbucks as one of their own to see if I was accepted. I put together a lovely little ensemble that said, “I belong at the Beautiful Starbucks.” What I lacked in beauty I would make up for with style.

Here was my outfit:

Jeans: I got out my tight ones. These are not super hipster tight, but they don’t leave much breathing room from the thigh to the denim.

Shirt: A cool t-shirt Michelle made. It’s unique and good looking.

Cardigan. This one I got from Urban Outfitters, which is located directly across the street from the Beautiful Starbucks, which has to be good.

Shoes. I wore vintage brown leather shoes that I got from a thrift store.

Hat. I wore a fedora, which I got for $5 in Chinatown. I believe the fedora took me from regular guy to a guy who belongs at the Beautiful Starbucks. I’ve always loved fedoras but I thought I had to be 70 before I could wear one legitimately. Not around here, it’s accepted.

I strode down to Starbucks thinking I would certainly be called out as a phony right when I walked in. I thought maybe an alarm would go off that detected that I was wearing Joe Boxer underwear from K-Mart. The great news is that no one seemed to notice. I made it.

I have to admit that I was hoping that at a certain point a guy in sunglasses and a onesie would approach and say, “Follow me,” and he would escort me to the back and into a secret room for the Beautiful of the Beautiful Starbucks where the pants are so tight that they are under the epidermis. This did not happen, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

On a sad note, a woman got her laptop stolen when she was away from her table. She was rightfully freaking out. She is a writer and everything was on that computer. She called her daughter and her daughter came in and screamed and threw her phone on the ground, smashing it.

On a happy note, I have an audition tomorrow that I got from doing the Funny or Die shoot yesterday. I guess one of the people there had recommended me. It’s for like a real paying thing. I think that’s how a lot of it works here. I just got to keep getting to know people. That is why I keep a detailed spreadsheet of people that I meet.

I spent an hour updating it today, whilst in a fedora.

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