Day 168. Ridiculous Search Engine Terms

Monday, August 8, 2011

I am writing this surrounded by babies and children. There are five that are two and under. I’m having trouble concentrating, so we’re just going to do a Ridiculous Search Engine Terms post.

I get a lot of random searches to the ol’ website these days, so I have a lot to choose from. As always, I will present the search engine term, maybe provide a comment, and an individualized disappointment ranking of the searcher upon finding this website.

Here we go…

i say open sesame! i’ve been watching you. Number one rule of watching people is don’t announce that you’re watching people. This is a great example of a bad use of magic. Disappointment level: Finding out David Blaine is your stalker.

what are the 2 types of comments. The two types of comments are about how America is going to hell these days and ones correcting the spelling of another comment. Disappointment level: Putting up a video of your puppy only to somehow be deemed a Communist by the 4th comment.

how bad are cheez-its snack mix for you. Very. Disappointment level: Reading the ingredients on Cheez It snack mix.

write a letter to your cousin about women’s admire {informal letter}. What? You want to write a letter to your cousin about women in the plural admire? That is obviously a formal letter. Disappointment level: Same as your cousin upon reading this letter.

nudity as a reward. When is it not? Nevermind, don’t answer that question. Disappointment level: Instead of bonuses this year, your boss is giving his nudity.

looking for married woman to have fun creiglist. Get off my website! Go home! Go to Creigslist, whatever that is. Disappointment level: Finding out the “married woman” is a hairy 48 year old man named Rodney.

pictures of hot girls making their o faces. O face? As in, ‘Oh know you did not just ask that?!’ Disappointment level: You.

should you give a girl a handshake. No, you should courtsey. Disappointment level: Out of control hand sweat. I don’t like touching those people.

do not sound creepy, don’t sound creepy. By saying that you are, by saying that you are. No matter how you contract it. Disappointment level: Your internet search revealing that you are.

πως να πάμε στο τηε γαραγε με ποδηλατο. I use a pinch of salt and 3/4 tablespoon of marmalade. Disappointment level: The fall of the Soviet Union.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Day 168. Ridiculous Search Engine Terms

  1. Pilgrim

    I just couldn’t leave it alone. Went to Google Translator. Typed in πως να πάμε στο τηε γαραγε με ποδηλατο. Wanted to know what it was in Russian. Turns out it’s Greek. Translation?

    how to go to THE garage with bicycle

    /the more you know…

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