Day 198. Day at the Beach. Thongs.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Today was a great example about why it is cool living in California. I had an old fashioned friend of a friend meeting in Culver City, which is near Venice, which is on the beach. So, I drove to Venice with my bike in the car. Then, I rode south down the beach for awhile on a bike path.

I jumped in the ocean for a bit. It is much stranger playing in the waves when you are by yourself. However, I was not the only one doing it, there was a woman next to me in a thong and had big fake boobs. We did not talk. Women like that don’t talk to the obnoxiously pale married guy giggling in the waves by himself wearing cargo shorts. We played in the waves near each other.

Anyway, then I got on my bike and rode the other direction for a few miles, headed back to my car and changed. Changing from the beach into regular clothes is an adventure. There is nothing quite like sitting in the passenger seat of your car half naked hoping that no one walks by.

Then I had coffee (smoothie) with a friend of a friend. She is a producer and most recently did Horrible Bosses this summer. We talked Hollywood and I learned a lot about the producer side of things. There are certain Hollywood truths that a lot of my conversations have affirmed. I think I will do a post about those soon.

In the meantime, this is how I imagine my conversation would have gone with the thong wearing fake boob having woman near me in the ocean would have gone.

Jeff: These waves are fun!

Thong Fake Boob Woman (TFBW): What?

Jeff: These waves are fun!

TFBW: Okay.

Jeff: Anyway…

TFBW: I don’t think you’re supposed to talk to me.

Jeff: Why?

TFBW: It’s not good ocean etiquette.

Jeff: What do you mean?

TFBW: You don’t talk to someone else in the ocean unless you’re hitting on them.

Jeff: Oh, I didn’t know.

TFBW: Are you hitting on me?

Jeff: No.

TFBW: Good, because it wouldn’t have been right.

Jeff: I thought you said you could talk to someone in the ocean if you were hitting on them, not that I am, but if I was, it would be acceptable.

TFBW: Yeah, but it would be against all the social etiquettes.

Jeff: What do you mean?

TFBW: Do I have to explain it?

Jeff: I guess you do.

TFBW: You would be jumping at least a few levels up. You can’t do that. That’s what high school is for, learning which level you’re in. I’m the type of woman that has fake boobs and I’m wearing a thong. You’re wearing cargo shorts in the ocean and what appears to be a white t-shirt.

Jeff: I’m not wearing a t-shirt. It’s a farmer’s tan.

TFBW: Yep.

Jeff: First off, lady, I’m wearing cargo shorts because I was riding my bike. Look, you can see it on the shore. It’s a 1994 Mongoose. I bought it new, with cash. I’m physically fit. Secondly, I’m married, so, no, I’m not hitting on you.

TFBW: Fine.

Jeff: And, you know, maybe it’s not what’s on the outside that counts anyway, maybe it’s what’s on the inside.

TFBW: Good one, this is Los Angeles.

Jeff: I’m going to go put more sunscreen on and get sand out of crevices now.


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