Friday, September 16, 2011
I am alive, I swear. It’s difficult to pull this off when I’ve been working so much. I’ve have very few awake hours where I’m available to update. It sucks being an adult. It was way better when I had fewer responsibilities. I only have 15 minutes to write this one because I have to go to work, otherwise known as the adult theme park where all the rides go in a straight line and don’t go up and down.
Things That Suck About Being an Adult:
1. No Recess. Why did that stop being a thing for us. Sure, we adults get to exercise and go for runs, etc. But you know what we’re thinking about when we’re running? What we have to do when we get back. When I was playing four square during recess, all I cared about was four square.
2. Going to bed at a certain time. You can try not to go to bed early, but it’s going to kill you the next day and all you’ll be thinking about is how you should have gone to bed early.
3. You have to say stuff like, “It would be my pleasure.” You know what “it would be my pleasure” means? It means, “I will get no pleasure from this.” That’s how it works in the adult world. You have to say things sometimes that is the exact opposite of what it means. Both parties know the lingo, so you aren’t fooling anyone, but you both have to pretend like you don’t know.
4. Thinking about retirement. I hate the inevitable graph you see once a year from the HR department. You know, the one that shows you how much you would be making in retirement due to compounding interest if you had just started saving when you were younger. That one. That makes no one feel good. Even the poor guy from the retirement investment place doing the presentation feels that way. No one cares about it when their seventeen.
5. Considering other people’s feelings. This is something that is obviously not natural to us, it has to be ingrained over and over while we’re growing up. Let’s just stop it. I am not going to get off of this floor in Target until we all agree to stop it.
6. Intrusive medical exams. I haven’t made my way into this world too much, but you can be sure that I know how far away my first prostate exam is.
7. The news. We, as adults, feel compelled to watch the news. I used to listen in the car while my dad listened to talk radio and I couldn’t figure out how in the world he preferred this to music. Now, I love talk radio. How far I have fallen.
8. No more jumping into pools with clothes on. I didn’t do this a lot when I wasn’t an adult, but I was always up for it. Now, I think about needing to take my phone out of my pocket. I think about how not fun it would be to have to dry my wallet. I think about how much I hate wet socks. Spontaneity has been replaced by practical concerns.
9. The weather. I care about it now and I don’t like that.
10. No more forts.