Day 237. It All Started a Year Ago

Sunday, October 16, 2011

“The Mystery Year” really started a year ago this week. I looked it up, and I flew out to LA for a “research” trip from October 11th to the 15th last year. That’s when everything started, that’s when everything changed. 

I told work that I was going out to see friends, but really, I was going out to see if I would like living in LA. I had always liked the idea of it, but I didn’t know if I would like the reality of it. I don’t remember too much of the trip anymore because LA has all blurred together for me at this point.

Here are the highlights:

-I met a woman on the plane who worked for ‘Community’. I wrote about that here.

-I stayed at the house I’m staying at now. I can still remember the feeling of walking into the house late when I first arrived, now it’s really familiar.

-The woman from the plane, Catherine, invited me to see a table read for Community, that was a little surreal and awesome.

-And that’s all I remember. I know other things happened, but I can’t remember what happened during the first weeks I moved, and what happened on that trip.

What I do remember is the feeling that I took from the trip. Immediately, I knew that I couldn’t not try it out in some regard. I used to take forever with decisions, but sometimes you just know, and it isn’t really a decision anymore. I remember that feeling when I was ready to propose to Michelle too, and I was feeling it again. Mostly, I was terrified of the feeling, because I knew what the feeling meant for my reality. I came home and told Michelle I was feeling and we decided to sit with it for awhile.

“Awhile” didn’t change how I was feeling and we knew what was going to happen. Michelle was not up for the move, so we laid the groundwork for me to come out. That was such a weird time, I still had one foot in my daily life with one foot in the idea of Los Angeles. Mostly, I needed a place to stay in LA. I asked Ross if he could ask his parents if I could stay with them for awhile, like 2 or 3 months. I winced when I brought it up to him over the phone. After a few weeks, he got back to me and said that I could stay with them, but he didn’t say for how long (because it seemed like too long to ask about). Now, I’ve been with them for 8+ months. They are way too kind.

I then had to started start unwinding the life I hade knit together. In retrospect, everything seems linear and fairly easy, but, man, at the time it was excruciating. I had to tell my boss, my friend, Jeff, at the Skinny, my boss at 417 Magazine, and I had to announce the last Mystery Hour.

Now, here we are, a year later. What have I learned? Everything. Time has a way of taking the messy lives we have that sprout in every direction and laying them flat along an easy linear timeline. When we look back, we sometimes forget the uncertainty and the endless possibilities and just see the timeline. How we know that it has been more than a line is when we feel that it all began just yesterday, and feel that it all began a long time ago, it points to something more than the easy line. That’s how I feel.

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Filed under Daily Update, Poignant

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