Wednesday, October 27, 2011
One of the things I like about big cities is the newsstands. In a lot of places, if you want to get a magazine, you have to go to a Barnes and Noble, and no one likes that. There is a newsstand in the mall where I work. It’s the place to get the thing that I love the most, sugar free Extra gum. They have dessert flavors now that taste exactly like the dessert that they purport to be. Mmmm…I’m thinking about them right now. By the way, have you ever considered how they can get gum to taste like apple pie? I have no idea how that works, I’m assuming magic of some sort, the good kind of magic, not the Harry Potter steal your kid’s soul kind of magic.
So, I was checking out, getting my gum and there was a dad and his little kid to my left, and the news stand guy to my right. The news stand guy is a shorter brown haired guy with a non-ironic mustache. Nearly 100% of the time, he has Lady GaGa playing while he works. The newsstand guy looked at the little kid and started out by saying something normal in that situation that quickly changed.
Newsstand Guy: Oh, he’s adorable.
Newsstand Guy: I would love to just take him home to my cats.
Newsstand Guy: Have you ever seen a little puss in four inch heels running around?
How do you respond to that as a father? On the one hand he’s saying your child is cute. On the other hand, he wants to take him home. On the other other hand, he wants to take him home to his cats. Nice to Bad to Weird.
This post will be interactive, what do you, the readers, think are the things in this man’s apartment? Nothing creepy for children, just what do you think a man who thinks so highly of his cats has in his place? I’ll start.
-One of the cats is designated as butler. He wears a butler’s outfit and Newsstand Guy has taught him to walk on his hind legs and carry a tray.
-The other cats have human names like Barbara and Tracy.
-Seasons 1-3 of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on DVD
Your turn, paint the picture of his place. I will take our predictions to him someday to verify the accuracy.