Day 247. Newsstand Guy

Wednesday, October 27, 2011

One of the things I like about big cities is the newsstands. In a lot of places, if you want to get a magazine, you have to go to a Barnes and Noble, and no one likes that. There is a newsstand in the mall where I work. It’s the place to get the thing that I love the most, sugar free Extra gum. They have dessert flavors now that taste exactly like the dessert that they purport to be. Mmmm…I’m thinking about them right now. By the way, have you ever considered how they can get gum to taste like apple pie? I have no idea how that works, I’m assuming magic of some sort, the good kind of magic, not the Harry Potter steal your kid’s soul kind of magic.

So, I was checking out, getting my gum and there was a dad and his little kid to my left, and the news stand guy to my right. The news stand guy is a shorter brown haired guy with a non-ironic mustache. Nearly 100% of the time, he has Lady GaGa playing while he works. The newsstand guy looked at the little kid and started out by saying something normal in that situation that quickly changed.

Newsstand Guy: Oh, he’s adorable.

Father: Thanks

Newsstand Guy: I would love to just take him home to my cats.


Newsstand Guy: Have you ever seen a little puss in four inch heels running around?


How do you respond to that as a father? On the one hand he’s saying your child is cute. On the other hand, he wants to take him home. On the other other hand, he wants to take him home to his cats. Nice to Bad to Weird.

This post will be interactive, what do you, the readers, think are the things in this man’s apartment? Nothing creepy for children, just what do you think a man who thinks so highly of his cats has in his place? I’ll start.

-One of the cats is designated as butler. He wears a butler’s outfit and Newsstand Guy has taught him to walk on his hind legs and carry a tray.

-The other cats have human names like Barbara and Tracy.

-Seasons 1-3 of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman on DVD

Your turn, paint the picture of his place. I will take our predictions to him someday to verify the accuracy.




Filed under Daily Update, Funny, Stories

7 responses to “Day 247. Newsstand Guy

  1. matt

    A mantle full of ornate frames commemorating former cat butlers!

  2. Julie

    Framed photos of cats dressed as movie stars of the past in iconic poses.

    Oh, and the “what do you do” question is best answered as: take your child by the hand, (pick him up & carry him if he’s still little enough to do that) and walk away very very quickly, resolving to purchase your reading material from Barnes & Noble in future.

  3. Pilgrim

    A small kitty graveyard out back? A small child graveyard? But definitely cat toys. Lots and lots of cat toys.

  4. I am picturing SJ’s place misplaced in Cali. So, a small, cute-ish place with a LOT of books, cool sayings on the walls, a fridge full of veggies, never any meat, an outdoor cat named Kitler, and an indoor cat. Except the indoor cat is treated like a roommate, and has a kitty-condo, and interacts with children like he is the ring-master. “Sup kids. Sit the hell down, play time is over. The guy that clean up my turds brings kids over and lets me harass them. Now get me some kitty treats. Now”.

  5. Rick Parks

    1) I’m seeing pictures of dogs in the litter box
    2) A bird cage hanging above the bathtub full of water. For the cats he doesn’t like.
    3) He seems like an honest guy, so a statue of the 1st President or David Letterman in a random corner.

  6. Brad Terry

    i see a very large cat with a monacle sitting in a queen back chair and when the newsstand guy comes home, he strips and jumps on Lord of the Nine LIves’s lap waiting to be petted. There is a desk with blueprints to Fort Knox and dogs with radio transmitters.

  7. Schellfie

    Keebler pecan sandies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s