Day 267. You Don’t Know Who I Am? The Biggest LA Character Yet

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A few months ago, I was at a Coffee Bean when this guy asked me if I would help him Google himself on my computer. I said, “Okay,” and hesitantly helped him look himself up. Apparently, he wanted to see if his website was up to date, even though, he, himself didn’t have a computer. He was a gray haired, worn looking guy, but also energetic, like he was what I would be in 20 years if I was still pursuing acting, but remaining in the same strata of success of a guy in his first year in Hollywood. When he drove out of his parking lot, I saw that his Crown Victoria had his name an website on the back and sides of the car.

I have since seen it out on the roads and thought, “I’ve helped that guy Google himself.” This morning, I went for a run and spotted the car again, and oh man, has he taken his operation a step further. Yes, those are replica Oscars on the front. As I have learned, you can’t wait to get an audition, you have to be proactive…with limitations.

One of the things I love most about LA is the characters. How is it possible I would meet an even bigger character in the afternoon?

Gio and I met up for lunch today. You may know him as my Halloween costume. We ate at this place I’ve wanted to go to called Paris Crepes, in West Hollywood. Paris Crepes is probably the most kitchy place I’ve been in. The staff were wearing I Love Paris shirts and berets for crying out loud. There was also a video of sights of Paris on the TV. Paris Crepes is also, somehow, the most authentic place I’ve ever been in, as both of the beret wearing workers were also French, as were some of the customers. My mind was blown. Gio and I sat outside and ate our delicious crepes. Then, we went for a stroll down the street. We stopped in a little men’s store and looked at cool and funny underwear. The name brand was Piss and Vinegar. We decided that Piss is just about the last word you want on your underwear.

Next, we walked by a little restaurant that looked like a frozen yogurt stand, except for that it looked like it had blown up pictures of sliced roast beef and turkey on plates with fruit. It made no sense, we had to go in. It turns out to be a Taiwan based dessert that is like frozen yogurt shaved into slices. It was pretty good and novel. I told the guy he shouldn’t have pictures of roast beef on the window. He said it was chocolate. I said vegetarians won’t frequent this place. He said get out. Actually, it was cordial.



We were crossing the street and noticed a bright pink Corvette parked on the road. We both got out our phones to immediately take pictures. Right when I snapped mine a lady came around from the back. She barked, “Hey! Don’t take my picture! If you take my picture, you have to buy something.” So we walked around to the trunk of the car with her. It was filled with merchandise with her picture on it.

I commented on the t-shirt, “Is that you?”

She replied, “Of course it’s me! You don’t know who I am?”

I said, “No.”

So she said, “I’m Angelyne,” as if that cleared things up. “I have a key to the city.”

Angelyne was wearing a tight, leopard print dress, had bleach blonde hair, a crap ton of plastic surgery, and fake boobs nearly spilling out of her dress and onto her merchandise. Angelyne is not under 60 years old. She showed me a magazine as proof of her importance. Indeed, it had pictures of her image on billboards, and her receiving a key to West Hollywood. I flipped it over to reveal that it was self published.

Here was the remainder of our encounter as we were looking through the trunk of her pink Corvette.

Angelyne: Hi

Gio: Hello

Angelyne: I wasn’t talking to you!

Jeff: Well, alright.

Angelyne: Do you want my card.

Jeff: Sure.

Angelyne goes to the front seat to retrieve one. While she’s getting out of the car, Gio attempts to take a picture of her.

Angelyne: I told you, don’t take my picture! Don’t!

Jeff and Gio: Okay, bye.

Jeff and Gio walk away.

Jeff: What?!

Gio: What was that?

So, we looked her up. Here is what comes up on a Google search. Look around for awhile. Apparently, she buys her own billboard space, and has done it since the early ’80s, and no one knows where she gets the funding because there’s no way she works a regular job like at a TJ Maxx, or something. I guarantee she has a Google Alert and will find this website.

My lesson for the day is that there are limits to putting yourself out there, and there are limits to how long you should continue to do so, and the people that don’t heed those limits are…awesome. I don’t want to be them, but in this time of Thanksgiving, man, am I thankful for interacting with them.



Filed under Daily Update, Funny

3 responses to “Day 267. You Don’t Know Who I Am? The Biggest LA Character Yet

  1. Wow… just … wow. She is confident, that’s for sure.

  2. Rick Parks

    Thank you for the word of the day….Crap Ton

  3. Pingback: Angelyne Still Stopping Traffic on Twitter - FishbowlLA

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s