Day 268. Sticking it to City Hall

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I forgot to share this amazing story from Monday. Every Monday and Tuesday is street cleaning day on my street and it is the worst thing ever invented. On Monday you need to have your car on the left side of the street from 10:00-1:00, and on Tuesday you need to have it on the right side of the street from 10:00-1:00. This is all so a big Zamboni like street sweeper machine can come by. It is the biggest racket since debit card fees, they don’t do anything but move the stuff around on the street. I’m seriously convinced that it only exists to create profits from the tickets. In my act of sticking it to the man I will drop banana peels and other biodegradable litter in the streets on purpose, just so they have something to do. I’m hardcore. We are the 99%.

If you don’t remember to move your car, you get a $50 ticket. I’ve gotten four of them for a total of $200. I haven’t had one for months because it has finally become habit. It helped that I put a reminder in my phone for 9:30 every Monday and Tuesday morning. Monday, I slept in for the first time in ages. I woke up at 10:20, looked at my phone and freaked out. I can’t get another ticket, we can’t afford anything right now. Our finances have really been grinding on me lately. I feel pretty guilty about how I have really messed with them on this adventure, because I have really done a number on them. I know that in the long run this whole thing is good, but in the short run it is stressful and guilt inducing.

Anyway, those are the thoughts going through my head as I go to the window to see if I’m parked on the correct side of the street. To see out of the front window in my room I have to kneel on a dresser. I was in a t-shirt and funky stretchy plaid pair of underwear that Michelle got me from H&M.

I’m disappointed as I see that I’m the only car on the wrong side of the road. Immediately following that, I’m relieved that I don’t have a ticket, even though it is 20 minutes past the start of the ticket time. Not a second later, the parking enforcement vehicle comes into view and parks behind my car facing the other direction (violation, btw). I jump off the dresser and throw on some jeans and run down the stairs, nearly falling on my face. I run outside, jump in my car and pull out. As I pull away, I see the guy get out of his car, shrug his shoulders and watched me pull away.


I opened my sun roof and raised my fist in the air in blatant defiance of the man. I was so pumped. If I had gotten out there 3 seconds later, I would be out $50 right now. Some will call it luck, I choose to call it speed. If I was any slower I wouldn’t be excited right now. As my dad would say, not many people could have pulled off what I pulled off.

You know who wouldn’t have been fast enough to accomplish that? Larry King. Hey, speaking of Larry King, Larry King was in the store today with his most current wife. What’s that you ask? Was he wearing an upscale version of Sketchers? Yes, yes he was. Also of note, he was taller than I imagine, unlike most celebrities you see, who are usually shorter than what you picture.

He also looked more spry than I would have imagined, like both hips are working fine. Hey, speaking of hips, my dad had a hip replaced Monday morning. He knew he was going to have to have it done at some point, but he thought it would be a long ways away. Then, in October, my mom called to say he was getting it done in a few weeks. Everything was very successful and he is home now recovering. Apparently, his hip was in the top 10% of worst hips the surgeon had ever seen. My dad had been putting up with a lot. As he would say, not many people could have pulled off what he pulled off.


1 Comment

Filed under Daily Update, Funny, Stories

One response to “Day 268. Sticking it to City Hall

  1. Nice job speed racer! I think you should invent a hologram of your car, then when the attendant parks behind it, turn it off. He will freak, and it will be sweet.

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