Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tonight I went to a screening with my friend, Danny. We saw Tinker, Tailor, Sailor, Spy. It will be coming out soon and did well in Britain. I don’t know if it will have mass appeal, but will be critically acclaimed. That was my not my favorite entertainment of the night. My favorite entertainment of the night was most definitely the guy who sat down near us.
You see, there is one Hollywood archetype that I had yet to encounter. I’m talking about the guy who is an immediate name dropper and talks about his big project and how much money he’s dealing with. A general rule of thumb that I share with most of my friends and acquaintances is that you don’t want to come across too braggadocios, and you don’t want to talk too much about money. This character was the opposite of that, and I was loving every minute of it.
What did he look like? I’ll let you guess.
Yep, he was probably 50.
Yes, he wore a leather jacket.
Correct! He had shaggy blonde hair like Bo Duke.
Bingo! You’re doing great, he had a girlfriend who was too pretty for him.
One more?! Oh, you’re good. Yes, his shirt was unbuttoned a little too low.
A bonus one? Don’t push it. Yes, yes, yes, you’re right, he has probably commissioned a painting of himself shirtless that hangs over his fireplace.
Okay, okay, one more, but you have to promise this is the last one. Yes, you are correct, I did find his old MySpace page, and yes, he his profile picture is of him in a black suit standing next to a helicopter like he owns it.
No, I can’t.
Honestly, I can’t.
Okay, I’ll post it here, without any identifiers, so he hopefully won’t stumble upon it.
You’re going to get me in trouble.
We will call the man Chaz.
Danny and I got their early and got seats right in the middle. It was going to be full, so another girl sat down next to Danny. The place was filling up when Chaz and his woman arrived. There weren’t two seats together in the aisle, so we moved down to make room. They sat next to The Girl Next to Us. Chaz was immediately friendly, chatting us up. He and his girlfriend were actually very nice, it’s just that Chaz’s favorite person in the room was Chaz, and the person he wanted to hear the most from was Chaz.
Within minutes we learned a lot about him.
Chaz: “I’m directing a film with Samuel L. Jackson and Anjelica Huston.”
Us: “Oh, interesting.”
Chaz: “Yep, I wrote it and I’m directing it. I’m also doing the music for it.”
Chaz waits for us to ask a follow up question. We wonder what he wants us to ask.
Danny: “Are you a composer?”
Nail on head.
Chaz: “Yep, I composed for many shows and movies, many, you know, very successful TV shows.”
Chaz doesn’t wait for us this time.
Chaz: “Music changes a scene.”
Jeff: “That’s fascinating, what is the process for composing?”
Here are some more quotes from Chaz:
“I believe the camera should be moving, we’re doing helicopter shots, crane shots, that stuff is expensive.”
“And I’m like, ‘We’re trying to shoot a $50 million dollar movie with only a $15 million dollar budget.'”
“West Virginia was trying to pitch us to have the movie there, and this place is in the middle of nowhere, and I’m telling them, I’m not going to make Robert Duvall stay in a Best Western.”
“I asked them, ‘How many hotel rooms do you have? They said, ’80,’ so then I said, ‘What about generators?’ They’re like, ‘Generators?’ I said, ‘You know, they provide power.’ They said, ‘Oh yeah, probably about 40 miles away.’ Probably and 40 miles away?’ We’re thinking we might shoot most of it in Georgia now.”
“I ran into Geoffrey Rush in Cannes, I stopped him and told him the whole story for the movie. He was like, ‘That’s brilliant.’ So, we’re sending stuff to his agent.”
“I can’t stand it when an actor is acting. I can’t stand it. We can see it, the camera picks up everything. Stop acting. Be in the moment.”
“Some others are just waiting to see if Naomi Watts will sign on.”
After showing us pictures of his movie locations, he started strangely trying to get Danny and The Girl Next To Us to go on a date. He would say something subtle like, “You should ask her out. Shouldn’t he ask you out?” It was like watching a popular eighth grader say whatever he wanted to two less cool seventh graders. He wouldn’t let it go though, Danny and TGNTU had no choice. They ended up holding hands at his request, and exchanging numbers under his demanding eyes. It was strange. I’m glad things stopped there.
Did I want to get out of there? Yes. Did we keep talking to him? Uh-huh. Did we drop hints left and right, subtle and non subtle, about being in his movie? Of course. Did I also ask for his card? Absolutely. That is how Hollywood works, he was an annoying narcissistic name dropper, but, come on, he was making a movie with Samuel L. Jackson.