Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I haven’t done this for awhile and it’s time to catch up. Let’s do some Ridiculous Search Engine Terms. As always, these are real searches that brought people to this website. Plus, I’ll give you a unique Disappointment Level the searcher felt upon arriving here.
Here we go.
Ridiculous Search Engine Terms
-“guys wear fake boobs on.” Tuesdays. Or, I would have also accepted, “Their chests.” Disappointment level: Finding out she’s a man.
-“princessmario” That’s fine to search for, but don’t call him that to his face. Disappointment level: The Princessmario is in another castle.
-“hipster with fake british accent.” Have you seen my mustache wax, guvna? Disappointment level: Record player is broken.
-“list of socially unacceptable things to say” I won’t go into the whole list, but the number 1 unacceptable thing to say is, “Oh, you got a haircut, let me tell you how I think it really looks.” Disappointment level: Same as a child talking unfiltered to you about what you look like.
-“i tried to play it off on this then she said she ain’t wanna be together no more and ignore her calls and all that but now i miss that she had my heart.” Yikes. I think I talked to you at the bus stop last week, I’ll tell you the same thing I told you then, “You’re sitting on my coat.” Disappointment level: Same as what you get when you earnestly check Craigslist, Missed Connections.
-“religious things to say to people on new years day.” I think a good one would be, “Peace be with you on this first day of the last year of the world. Disappointment level: You’ve got some manna in your beard.
-“thongs for boobs.” I’m going to assume we’re talking sandals here, because if we’re talking underwear, then a thong for your boobs would be a thin piece of fabric that goes vertically up the chest, right? Strapping on sandals to your chest makes more sense than that, and actually makes more sense than underwear thongs too. Disappointment level: Chest wedgie.
-“lady car” Toyota Yaris. Disappointment level: Your Yaris driving you to a tea room without you asking.