Day 321. “You Look Like a Better Looking Version of…”

Sunday, January 8, 2012

I have a rule I came up with a few years ago. If you’re going to tell someone that they look like a celebrity, then you have to specifically say, “You look like a better looking version of…” It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, you have to say it if you care about the person, or, in the least care about getting yelled at or not. Because, immediately, if someone just says you look like so and so, I go directly to their least flattering feature and think, “Wait, are they saying I look like that?!” Even if someone said, “You look like a better looking version of Brad Pitt,” I would think, “My nose doesn’t really look like that, does it?” If it starts out with, “You look like a better looking version of…” then I don’t care so much who they say.

Looking for look a likes is just something that some people do. Right when they see someone, they go through a known catalog in their mind. I once saw Saddam Hussein at an ice cream parlor in Door County, Wisconsin in the ’90s. My dad still talks about it, it was a good one. Then, there are some people that just really really look like a celebrity and they probably get it all the time. My favorite game is Doppelgender, it’s a game I made up where you find a doppelgänger of the opposite sex. It’s a fun party game.

Since I perform in front of people a lot, people tell me who I look like a lot fairly frequently.

When I was a teenager, I looked a lot like Anthony Michael Hall, in 16 Candles.





I don’t find this one flattering in the least because he definitely was the dorky guy. I don’t have an old picture of me on the computer, but it’s a pretty good 14 year old look alike, I have to admit. I do like to point out two things when people say that. One, he looks like a badass as an adult. Two, He had braces in that movie, and I didn’t get them until I was an adult. So there.

In my early twenties, the look alike I got most often was Matthew Lillard, he of Scream and Scooby Doo fame.






I don’t know what I think about this one. I don’t consider him to be super handsome, yet I would prefer to think of myself that way. I think it’s because we’re goofy, our eyes are too far apart.

Slowly, I transitioned out of my Matthew Lillard phase and went into Paul Bettany mode.






This one is clearly about one thing, coloring, and clear eyebrows. Take some time to notice this. You will see plenty of male actors who are blonde, but you rarely see an actor who is blonde and fair skinned. Sure, you’ll see blonde and tan ones, or as we fair skinned people like to call them, juicers. It’s not natural, show me their inner thighs, if they’re not horrifying to look at, then they’re not a true blonde. Also, think of the roles Paul Bettany generally gets, the creepy guy. In real life, he’s very charming, but we fair skinned guys get typecast. I think Paul actually looks more like my brother, Scott, for the record, who looks like me.

My least favorite I have gotten in recent years, is Jesse Tyler Ferguson.






This is simply due to the fact that if I grow a beard, it comes in orange. But guys, if I have the same coloring as Paul Bettany, then I can’t have the same coloring as the orange guy from Modern Family. This is the look alike that irks me the most, I think because I like to have a beard occasionally. In fact, I shaved my beard this week because a stranger came up to me in a bar and told me I looked like him. Clearly, she wasn’t hitting on me because that would be a terrible pick up line. She was just trying to insult me. However, I brought this up to a friend in LA and he said, “Oh, I’m friends with him, you don’t look like him.” I have quoted that to a lot of people since then.

The next one that I get, that I’m actually okay with his Hugh Laughrie.






This one doesn’t ruffle my feathers. Obviously, he is older than me, but Hugh Laurie is cool, and decidedly not orange. Listen, gingers, I have nothing against your people, I’m just not one of you.

Speaking of which, the one I’ve just started getting is recently is Damian Lewis.






I get this one a little I guess. But, again, gingers, I appreciate all of the great things you have done for our society, but lay off me.

Finally, this is one I don’t get. Luis Guzman.






I don’t get it, you make the call.

To me, Michelle has a clear one. I think she looks like Claire Danes.






Michelle finally really saw it today when she was watching Homeland, a newish TV show. She was like, “Oh, I can see it, look at this Jeff, we do look similar.” I was like, “Yep, I told you, wait, who is that other guy in the scene? Wait that’s one of the orange haired guys people say I look like.” It was Damian Lewis. Check it out, here is a picture of our look alikes in a scene together.

She has definitely given me that look before.

So, the lesson is, well, there is no lesson. The takeaway is that even if you look like the geek from 16 Candles your freshman year of high school, if you try hard enough, you might just end up with Claire Danes.



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3 responses to “Day 321. “You Look Like a Better Looking Version of…”

  1. Andy Walser

    Mine is David Faustino who played Bud from from “Married with Children”!
    Cool right?
    (depressed sigh)

  2. I think you would look much cooler as a ginger. Take it from someone who’s been pulling it off for a while: people look at you differently. I choose to believe it’s because we give off an air of awesomeness.

  3. I don’t have one. I am un-look-alike-able. But that scene with you and Michelle on the big screen is awesome.

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