Day 342. My Open Letter to the Mug Manufacturers of the World

Sunday, January 29, 2012

First, let me say, today, we had our 1,000 comment on this blog! The 1,000th comment award goes to Amanda, who shared this gem:

I think you and Jeff J need to write a screenplay (or regular play) about the two of you on a road trip.

And with that, history was made. It is fitting because Amanda used to comment on my old Mystery Hour blog as well back in the day. The prize for Amanda is a 1994 Buick Le Sabre, next time you see one, just hop on in and tell them that you won.

Things you do when you don’t have a job. Today, I got the urge to count how many mugs we have in our house. Go ahead, guess how many. Just take a shot. 26. We have 26 mugs. I don’t drink coffee, or very many warm drinks. I’m inspired to write an open letter to the mug manufacturers out there.

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Dear Mug Manufacturers of the World,

I think we’re good.

You have a nice product, really you do. I admire what you have done for the hot drink drinkers out there over the years. Boy, what would we do without you? Use thermoses? I don’t think so. However, I’ve got to say Mug Manufacturers of the World, your heyday has passed. Yes, the numbers still looks good for you, but no one has needed a mug since 1988. Sure, people keep accumulating mugs, but that is only because of banks at community fairs, white elephant gift exchanges, and by accident. The point is, your optimistic numbers are false, they’re inflated. No one has ever said, “Oh, you got me a mug,”in anything but a sarcastic, or feigned enthusiastic tone since the Reagan years.

I was prompted to write this letter because I counted the mugs in my house and got to 26, before I gave up, due to resentment. I don’t drink very many hot drinks, and I feel weird drinking cold drinks out of mugs, that means that most of the mugs are for my wife. Let’s be generous and say that I do use them, that means that there are upwards of 13 mugs for every citizen of the world. What scenario could possibly arise where 12 of my mugs are dirty? A hot cocoa party? I don’t think so, I don’t have 12 turtlenecks to accompany the drinks.

The mug trade is out of control and reckless, and threatening to bring down the entire drink economy, which is second only to the food economy in the Stuff You Put in Your Mouth Matrix.

Sure, you made some improvements and added new product lines over the years. To prove to you my knowledge, here is a chart of every milestone in the mug business.

-White

-Colors

-Maxine Comics

-Travel

-Realtor Logos

Someone has to say it, they have all reached their prime years ago, and now they’re just hanging on. The truth is, Mug Manufacturers of the World, if you stopped making mugs today, no one would notice, besides cheap bosses on Secretary’s Day. The world would go on spinning and the subject wouldn’t come up.

I know this must be hard on you, trying to come up with new innovations for a product that doesn’t allow for more innovations, but it’s okay. It’s not your fault. You’re great. Take a deep breath, you don’t have to pretend anymore.

We’re on your side.

My passion for this issue is hot, as it will remain in the future, much like eight ounces of tea in a nice, ceramic mug. Thank you for all you’ve done, you can turn off the kiln now.

Sincerely,

Everyone

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Day 342. My Open Letter to the Mug Manufacturers of the World

  1. Amanda R.

    Woohoo I won!

  2. Julie

    The responsibility for the inflated distribution numbers of the mug manufacturers falls on college students. College students will accept anything that is free, therefore they encourage mug giveaways. Also, they don’t have much money, and buy mugs with logos on them as gifts for their parents, who later discover the charge for the mug on the student’s university account.

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