Day 358. Valentine’s Excuses

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine’s Day!! My favorite day of the…day. I have to be honest, when Michelle and I were first dating I saw it as an opportunity to be creative and show how much I appreciate her. It’s not to say that I don’t do that anymore, it’s our first Valentine’s Day was 10 years ago now, I used up all my good ideas around the height of the NSync era. Ladies, it’s not that your husband doesn’t care, he’s just out of ideas.

My best ideas come last minute in pressure situations…just like my bad ideas. I’ve been staying up a lot later than Michelle, because I’m a night owl and she has to get up early. So, around 2:30, I went outside, where it had snowed a couple inches. The temperature was perfect for the snow to be good packing snow. I started rolling some of it, more like a disk than a snowman ball, laid it on it’s side and shaped it into a heart. Then, I went to the garage and and grabbed some leftover spray paint so I could color the heart, and write, “Happy Valentine’s Day” in the snow.

Michelle left for work pretty early and was pleasantly surprised at the sight as she went to her car. Success!

Then, I took part of the day to vacuum, do the dishes, sweep, mop, clean the fireplace, clean the toilet, clean the bathroom sink, do laundry, etc. Michelle loves that kind of stuff. Also, I ain’t got the money for a fancy gift. Success!

Then, I looked outside.

The snow that had been around last night and in the morning was gone. It was a warmish sunny day, and the only thing that remained was a pink blob of snow that used to be a heart, and where I had written Happy Valentine’s Day in the snow were red blobs in the grass. Failure!

My Valentine’s Day surprise had turned into me looking like a crazy person who spray painted his lawn red…during the winter when no new grass will grow to replace it.

And that, my friends, is what happens when you’ve run out of ideas for Valentine’s Day, you have to get creative, so creative that you stop using your learned and innate critical thinking skills.

My buddy, Jeff J went on TV this afternoon to banter about Valentine’s Day. Before he went on he Facebook chatted me up asking about funny Valentine’s things he could talk about. We decided on things to say to your girlfriend/wife the moment you realized you’ve forgotten about Valentine’s Day.

Here are the highlights:

-Remember how I got you that extra gift for your birthday? It was an early Valentine’s Day present.

-That’s not a blank piece of paper, it’s a DIY Valentine’s Day card.

-I’m pregnant.

-You mean it didn’t arrive? I’m heading to Walgreen’s right now to complain about their gift delivery program.

-I hired a plane to fly by with a birthday message sign…should be here any minute…if it’s not, it’s probably the terrorists…just like them to ruin what was sure to be a great Valentine’s Day.

-I got you Tom’s Shoes, but I sent both pairs overseas.

-I gave your present away to a homeless man, we can both agree that he needed it more. On an unrelated note, beards are scratchy when you kiss them, huh?

-This year, I decided to get you compliments…here we go…

-Who likes magic?!

-I scheduled a Valentine’s date with our neighbors, let’s go see what they’re cooking…I mean, making for us.



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